The Turbo Encabulator -- The best technobabble... ever.

The first time an ambifacient lunar waneshaft was used to prevent side fumbling.

In the December, 1944 issue of “Students’ Quarterly Journal” — a magazine published specifically for (and mostly written by) student members of the Institution of Electrical Engineers — published an article entitled “The Turbo-Encabulator in Industry”.

That article, written by one John Hellins Quick, was a satirical description of a fictional piece of hardware known as the “Turbo-Encabulator” — filled to the brim with some of the greatest examples of “technobabble” the world has ever known.

“The original machine has a base-plate of prefabulated amulite, surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two spurving bearings were in a direct line with the pentametric fan. The latter consisted simply of six hydrocoptic marzelvanes, so fitted to the ambifacient lunar waneshaft that side fumbling was effectively prevented. The main winding was of the normal lotus-o-delta type placed in panendermic semiboloid slots in the stator, every seventh conductor being connected by a non-reversible tremie pipe to the differential girdlespring on the "up" end of the grammeters.”

Pure, glorious art. Technobabble at it’s absolute finest.

References to the Turbo Encabulator floated around various publications for many years. It was quickly becoming a big inside joke among engineers.

In 1962, a team at General Electric went ahead and made a (very official looking) data sheet for their “Turboencabulator”.

In 1977, after a crew had finished filming a (real) training film for General Motors, the team stayed late specifically to film the first ever video of the “Turbo Encabulator.” The results are most outstanding.

In the late 1980s, Chrystler got in on the “Turbo Encabulator” action by filming their own version. Can’t let GM have all the fun, right?

Then, in 1997, the best version ever (in my oh-so-humble opinion) was filmed by a team at Rockwell Automation. This time, they changed the name to the “Retro Encabulator.”

The script, the filming, and the performance are nothing short of perfection.

There have been other attempts at filming discussions of the Turbo Encabulator (including by Sci-Show, and others). But, for me, the pinnacle of technobabble brilliance is that 1997 video from Rockwell Automation.

Pure magic.

Now if only someone could invent a real way to prevent side fumbling…

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