Microsoft declares ownership of all Open Source software

Using the "Finders Keepers clause" of the GitHub Terms of Service.

In a stunning move, Microsoft Corporation has declared complete and total ownership of all Open Source software.

“Yeah, it’s mine,” stated Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadela. “All of it. Linux? Mine. KDE? Mine. Kubernetes? I don’t even know what that is, but it’s mine.”

The legal justification for this sweeping move appears to be a little known portion of the GitHub terms of service, known as the “Finders Keepers clause”. Under “Finders Keepers” any source code that Microsoft can find can be used — regardless of how the source code is licensed — by Microsoft.

Up to, and including, full declaration of ownership.

“We tested this out with GitHub Copilot,” stated Nadela. “We took every scrap of code we could find and just started inserting that code into everyone’s projects. Didn’t matter if it was GPL’d or proprietary or whatever. We just did it. And nobody stopped us. So we decided to take it to the next level.”

The Lunduke Journal reached out to The Linux Foundation for comment. Unfortunately they were unable to provide a response at this time as they were, quote, “counting their sweet, sweet piles of cheddar.”

In other news, Richard Stallman’s head has exploded.

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