Google, Apple partner with Elmers to produce "Tinker-Proof Glue"

“That oughta keep ‘em out,” stated Google CEO Sundar Pichai.

Earlier today, Google announced that it has partnered with Apple and Elmers to develop and produce “the worlds strongest glue” for use in smartphones, laptops, and other computing devices.

“That oughta keep ‘em out,” stated Google CEO Sundar Pichai. “These nerds keep trying to open and tinker with the smartphones they buy. Just who do they think they are anyway? I’d like to see them try to open their phones now!”

“Our old glue… our old glue was great. Best glue ever. But this new glue takes things to a whole new level,” stated Apple CEO Tim Cook during a call with The Lunduke Journal. “When we talk to our customers, they tell us their number one concern… is that it is far, far too easy to open up their iPhones, iPads, and MacBooks and replace the various components. With this new glue? That’s never going to be a problem again. Not only is this the strongest glue ever invented… but we’ve filled every available nanometer of the new iPhone with it. You’re welcome.”

“We make glue,” stated Michael Warren, the CEO of Elmers.

In other news, Louis Rossmann’s head has exploded.

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