Red Hat offers burned CentOS users a consolation: two stress balls and a coupon to Applebees [SATIRE]

Red Hat announced a series of consolations to Linux users and developers who were hurt by the company's discontinuing of CentOS, the popular Linux distribution, following their acquisition by IBM.

"We recognize how stressful the loss of CentOS must be," stated the Red Hat head of Marketing. "So we are sparing no expense and making available to all CentOS users not one, but TWO branded stress balls. They have a penguin on them and everything."

In addition, Red Hat is providing a coupon good for one free appetizer (with regular entree purchase) from Applebee's.

"Applebee's Rib Tips are TOIGHT," stated former Red Hat CEO (and current IBM President) Jim Whitehurst. "Rib Tips are, like, waaaay better than CentOS. How much barbecue sauce is CentOS slathered in? I'll tell ya how much. None."

A fact check of this statement proved that it was true.

CentOS has very little barbecue sauce.