Just one more patch and the entire Internet will be secure [SATIRE]
Earlier today, engineers representing the major software firms -- including Google, Microsoft, and Apple -- made a joint announcement that they are one software patch away from completely securing the entire Internet.
"We did it! We finally secured the whole Internet," exclaimed one proud engineer. "After this last patch gets applied, every single website and Internet connected device will be secure and nobody will ever get hacked again!"
Cybersecurity Experts (tm) flocked to Twitter to proclaim the good news.
"It was always just a matter of time. Eventually we were going to be able to fully secure the whole Internet, and now we've done it! There's just no possible way to hack anything on the Internet now!" -- Amanda Zedfreid
"I've always said that the best way to fully secure complex, incredibly large, interconnected, interdependent pieces of software is to simply keep adding more code. More code = more secure! We finally added enough code that everything is 100% secure!" -- Stephen Renaldo
But not everyone was pleased with the news.
"Curses!" declared one shadowy, nefarious hacker who was probably paid by Putin or something. "We were just about to do some really good hacking, too! Now we'll never be able to hack again and probably should just to get a job at Facebook or something!"