C Programming Languages Removes Pointers
Pointing is rude.
The American National Standards Institute (ANSI) and the International Organization of Standardization (ISO) have announced an immediate change to the C programming language: the complete removal of all pointers.
“Pointing is downright rude,” stated Gertrude Verordnung, Chief Propriety Officer for ANSI. “And there’s been far too much of that sort of thing going on around here. It’s just not proper. I won’t have it.”
The removal of all pointers from C is part of a broader campaign to “Make C More Better”, which kicked off earlier this year with the removal of the problematic semicolons from the venerable programming language, due to their well documented and obvious racism.
“We’ve needed to address this problem for a long time,” stated Andrew Aufdernase, VP of Pontification for the ISO. “First we removed the semicolon, now we’ve eliminated pointers… which has all but nullified any need to use ;’s, *’s, or &’s. And good riddance, I say!”
When asked if these changes to the C programming language could produce a Perfect Storm that might cause problems throughout the industry, including people abandoning the language entirely, Aufdernase responded, “I don’t get the reference.”
(And, yeah. This article is a parody. I have to say that here, or I’ll hear about it. Boy, will I hear about it.)
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