Mozilla to reduce Firefox memory usage to less than 14 GB per tab [SATIRE]

In response to skyrocketing DRAM prices, Mozilla Corporation has pledged to significantly reduce the memory usage of the Firefox web browser -- to less than 14 GB per tab.

"Firefox is the most important piece of software ever written," stated Tom Renard, Mozilla Corporation CEO. "From adding closed source DRM modules... to providing users with super important, forced tie-ins to the popular television series 'Mr. Robot'... the greatness of Firefox cannot be disputed. And, let's be honest, software this important deserves a heck of a lot of RAM. But in these dire times of DRAM shortages, even Firefox needs to tighten the belt a little."

According to Mozilla's published roadmap, starting in Q3 of 2021, Firefox will begin a phased, multi-year plan to reduce total RAM usage by over 50%.

The plan states that, by Mid-2024, Firefox will use a total of less than 14 GB of RAM per tab.

"That's for an empty tab, of course," clarified Renard. "Loading a website that uses Javascript -- such as critical tracking scripts, banner ads, or code that moves a link to an article just before you click it -- will require loading of the SpiderMonkey Javascript runtime engine, which utilizes a svelte 7 GB of RAM."

Upon hearing about these ambitious plans, Sir Tim Berners-Lee, creator and ruler of the Internet, and part-time Knight for the Queen of England, had this to say while sitting astride his noble steed: "What Mozilla is doing here is nothing short of technical wizardry, worthy of Merlin himself. They're basically saving the world."