Microsoft releases Windows 3.1 as Open Source [SATIRE]

Microsoft has announced the immediate availability of the full source code for Windows 3.1. The classic, 1992 version of Windows is now available, free of charge -- with full source code included -- from the company's website.

"I mean, why wouldn't we do this? It was so obvious," stated Satya Nadela, CEO of Microsoft. "Because we love Open Source, right? And it's not like we have earned any money from Windows 3.1 for a stinkin' long time anyway. Heck, the only reason we would not do this would be if we actually hated Open Source and just wanted to be jerks. But we're not jerks. And, like we said, we love Open Source. So... ta da!"

The reaction across the industry was swift and overwhelmingly positive.

Jim Zemlin, CEO of The Linux Foundation stated, "See? We told you Microsoft loved Open Source! There's no way we would work closely with a company that was against Open Source. Now, if Microsoft had refused to open up Windows 3.1? Sure! That would prove they hated Open Source! But they opened it up! So there ya go!"

Apple CEO, Tim Cook, was equally effusive with his praise. Saying, quote, "We applaud this move by Microsoft! We too, at Apple, are committed to Open Source. In fact, we are going to be releasing the source code for MacOS 8 and Hypercard -- two historic products that Apple hasn't supported for years, if not decades. Because, why not, right? Keeping those closed source and unsupported just wouldn't make any sense whatsoever!"