LibreOffice X adds Gamification, Office Assistant, VR, Ribbon Toolbar [SATIRE]

"We thought to ourselves… what would make a word processor and spreadsheet, like, totally badical?"

The Document Foundation — the organization behind the popular office suite, LibreOffice — has unveiled their plans for the upcoming LibreOffice X.

“We’ve really turned things up to 11 for X,” stated Document Foundation President, Hans Enfronz. “When we sat down to plan for the next release of LibreOffice, we thought to ourselves… what would make a word processor and spreadsheet, like, totally badical? We made a list of the most intensely awesome and crazy things to jam into an office suite. Then we ignored our better judgement, and did everything on the list.”

When launching LibreOffice X, users will immediately notice that the traditional style toolbar has been replaced by a Microsoft-style “Ribbon” toolbar.

“The Ribbon style toolbar was the number one most requested feature by our users,” stated Enfronz. “I mean, we didn’t ask or do a poll or anything. But we’re pretty sure this is what they’d want.”

“We also added an Office Assistant,” interjected Enfronz. “Remember Clippy? We added Clippy. Except ours is called Stallmany. He has a beard and he’s, like, super judge-y. Also you can’t turn him off. When you try to close Stallmany, he just won’t go away. It’s pretty awesome.”

Other new features of LibreOffice X are designed to appeal to gamers — including Virtual Reality support and Gamification.

“Oh! Did I mention the loot boxes? We’ve added loot boxes,” shouted Enfronz as he high fived himself while walking out of the room. “LibreOffice Loot Boxes are rad.”